Worst Pick-Up Lines Ever

Everyone loves a terrible pick-up line. But no one’s ever compiled a list of them. No one’s ever done that. So I went to 14 different bars all over the NYC area to ask women for the worst pick-up lines they’d EVER heard. I compiled a list of the WORST of the worst. And here they are, in no particular order:

“The word of the day is ‘legs.’ No, wait. It’s 'philomath.’ Can you spread the word?”

“Those are nice shoes. But they’d look better without all that mud on them.”

“If your right leg is Christmas and your left leg is Thanksgiving, can I spend some time just contemplating that. Because that’d be crazy. You’d be like a magical holiday party creature. And then your face would be Fourth of July, I guess. That makes the most sense.”

“Do you have any raisins? No? How bout a date or a fig? I’d prefer a fig.”

“Kiss me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Richmond the capital of Virginia?”

“Excuse me, but I’m not really trying to meet someone. I just want to enjoy some beers with my friends, if that’s okay with you. What’s that? What do I think of your tattoo? It’s good.”

“Did it hurt? Did it hurt when you fell down? I was born without pain receptors so I’m keeping a log of things that hurt and things that don’t. It’s not going well.”

“If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, we could go into business together. I could average about two looks per second, I think. So that’s 6 bucks a minute, or 360 bucks an hour! Now, say we put in an 8-hour shift: that’s $2,880 to split between us. That might not seem like much, considering how tedious a typical work day for us will get, but if we work three solid days a week we can each pull in over $4,000 a week. $4,000 for a three-day week! Granted, this can’t be a long-term job commitment because we’d burn out pretty quickly. But I could do it for 6 months, I think. If we just put our noses to the grindstone, invest well, and keep other outlets of income flowing, we could be rich! Cause girl, yo ass is fine.”

“Excuse me, is this your drink? No, I’m pretty sure it’s mine. Yeah, it’s mine. But you already drank out of it, so just take it. I don’t want it anymore. I’ll get another. Damn, you’re cute for a drink thief.”

“Are you a magnet? Because you’re attracting a lot of untoward attention at this bar. A lot of prolonged staring going on. And this place isn’t exactly filled with the most savory of characters, if you know what I mean. Keep your guard up. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put U and I together. They’d form a new letter called 'wu-ei’ that would function as a hybrid of both. No, wait, first I’d have the alphabet start with the letter W. But then it’d also end with the letter W, so then kids would have to sing the alphabet song in one continuous loop. Also, there’d be four L’s.”

“Excuse me, you’ve got something… dark green on the back of your pants… I’d wipe it off for you, but I don’t want to touch it. Okay, I’ll get a napkin. Whoops. Didn’t mean to do that. Okay, looks like I just spread it around. Yeah, it’s not coming off. Should I keep going? No? Okay, good.”

“Do you believe in mutual respect at first sight?”