Ah, Lake Wannapekeegog. This is a special place, son. You know, Grandpa and I came here every summer. There's the rock we dried our fish on. There's the tire swing we made after the Chevy got a flat. There's the dock from which I shoved that canoe with Grandpa's body on it for that Viking funeral he always wanted.
What's a Viking funeral? It's when you put a dead body on a boat and light it on fire.
Anyway... Oh wow! There's the cabin. Grandpa and I used to throw bread crumbs to the geese from the porch. Once, a goose wandered into the kitchen when I forgot to shut the front door, and it took us all afternoon to get it out. Grandpa chased it around with an ax, but the damn thing was too stupid to run for the door. That's the same ax I used to chop up all that kindling for the Viking funeral. Huh. Really makes you think.
Grandpa taught me how to use a telescope on this front porch. But then he made me burn the telescope with his body during the funeral. Sure wish I had that telescope now. He wasn't even a Viking. Not that I know of.
Wow! Is that the tree we planted? It's so big now! It's still the littlest tree in the forest, but I think it's going to be just fine. What's that scratched in the side of it? "Larry Loves Viking Funerals." Jesus Christ, when did he write that? That must have been there for years, and I never noticed. Oh man, that's so fucked up.
I'm just going to sit on the grass and take that in.
The lake sure looks beautiful tonight. It's so quiet out here. Nothing but the sound of fire crackling and the crickets playing their love songs. Wait, why am I hearing a fire? There's no fire now.
Look, son, I guess I'm telling you all this because I know that Grandpa is looking down on us from Viking heaven or wherever the hell he is right now. And I know he's proud of us. And I also wanted to let you know that I would never,
ever make you prepare my dead body and set it afloat on a burning raft. No, I'm going to be shot into space!